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It's a battle of the beards, a war of the whiskers, a ferocious fuzz-fight as your host goes up against Professor Peter Schickele of the University of Southern North Dakota at Hoople.

Professor Schickele is widely known as the discoverer of the music of P.D.Q. Bach (the least of the children of J.S. Bach), but on this occasion I was able to discover some delicious leftovers from dinner hidden in my beard.

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Here we can plainly see the danger associated with wearing headphones.

When I began regularly wearing headphones I had a full, healthy head of hair. After no more than a few decades of heavy usage, there had been a noticeable decline in my follicle count.

As you can tell by the expression on my face, I'm thinking about my former mane with a trace of sadness. But that was before I realized that the less hair one wears, the closer one's brain is to the surface.

I'm thinking much more clearly now.

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